I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
