he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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