I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
