We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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