She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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