Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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