so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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