How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
