PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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