He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
