can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
