Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
