I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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