Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
