i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
