im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
