Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
