Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we're making bets on your personal life
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
