I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
