we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
