Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
