I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
