She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
