my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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