i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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