I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
