I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
