Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
