Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
