my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
