Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
