OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
