i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
