shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
