RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
