last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
