I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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