On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
