i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
