It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
