Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
