Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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