i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
