Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
