oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
