wrigley field is MILF paradise
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
