i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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