The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
