apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
