it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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