Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
