I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
