Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
