Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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