five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
