the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
