i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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