i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
